Sunday, April 12, 2015

The View From Where I Sat

I woke up to the sun coming through the giant windows in my apartment.  
I smiled.  
I knew how I was spending today.  
I gathered my blanket, a book, some paper, a pen and my music.  
I made my way to the lake.  
I unpacked my bag next to the water's edge …took off my shoes and didn't see a soul around. 

I pointed my face towards the sun and soaked in the warmth…
the solitude…the sound of the lake and my thoughts.

I wrote this down.

I live in Sawyer, MI.  
A coastal town in Southwest Michigan and due to its seasonality…
it becomes very quiet during the winter months.  
The store I manage closes during this time and I didn't have 'to be' anywhere at a certain time…
my routine was what I wanted it to be and I wasn't unhappy about it.  

When you live like this…you become extremely conscious of time. 
 The time to realize that along with the shifting seasons…
brings shifting goals.

As the snow's like something else was thawing inside of me.  
I looked around my apartment and all of the stuff I had accumulated in a years time.  
A lot.  
Then my mind wandered to the garage space I rent in Elkhart with my gear…
bins of…who knew what?  
It all felt excessive.  
Like a burden.  

I called my sister Lucinda…can you help me?  
I just need some of your time.  
I need you to squash any doubt. 
 She is an awesome sister…an even better friend.  
We went through bins in my storage unit with unusual gusto.  
I filled garbage bags with clothes that belonged to another life.  
Even Lucinda would say as I held something up…
that doesn't even look like something you would own.  
Toss it.  
I emptied eight (8) bins of crap that day…
with the intent of tossing more.  

In my quest to rid myself of all of this baggage…
I came across letters I had framed from my late father. 
He gave solid advice.  
I carry all of it with me.  
My parents have always encouraged me to spread my wings…
yet, had open arms if I needed to have a place to come back to.  

Always reminding me to follow my dreams…
even if others presented doubt or judgement.  
To do what was best for ME.  
I cherish these letters and all of the love and advice in them.

It was a beautiful day.
 It was peaceful.
Out by the lake…
thinking about things.

I was watching two birds flying together.  
I wondered how they live?
Free came to mind.
F R E E 
Going wherever they wanted to.
Wherever they found food and felt safe. 

My mind wandered to feeling secure.  
Finding security.  
I don't typically find it with people…
or owning property or things.  
I tend to find security in sounds.  
Here in Sawyer, I've come to love the distant sound of the trains.  
Even the ones that wake me up at 4:00am.  
It is a sense that nothing is missing…
I think to myself…
ah, there it is…
running right on time.  

I was also thinking about a pending interview…
and that question they always ask you.  
Where do you see yourself in five (5) years.  
I can hear us all collectively groan.
But, my yoga practice has taught me not look too far into the future.  
Set goals, but don't lose sight of the journey.  
Be prepared (I'm still working on this one) and the one I find I am best at…
don't be afraid of change.  
It's no longer surprising to me that my career has ultimately taken care of itself.  
I seek fulfillment and keep an open mind to a future undefined.  
It's just how I roll.

A couple of hours had passed.  
I decided to pack up my things.  
I reminded myself that I can handle anything that comes my way.  
I am a smart girl.  
I have a good heart.  
I have good intentions.  
I'll land on my feet.  

I am here…
writing this…
adjusting my sails…
putting some space between things…
devoting time to others…
and ultimately…
moving on…

to be continued...