Sunday, January 18, 2015

Cowboys Are My Weakness...in review

My friend Cindy texted me before Christmas…
have you read Cowboys Are My Weakness?  
I hadn't.  
Next thing I knew…I had a copy of the book.  
She is so cool like that.


I'll be honest…
cowboys are a weakness…
have you ever seen or been around a real cowboy?

Whoa.

In truth, men are a weakness…
don't act like you don't feel the same way.  

Marlboro Man come to mind?  
He did for me.

 I was looking forward to reading it.  

I wrote this today because I finished the book this morning and 
it just so happened Cindy texted me asking how I was enjoying it.
I felt compelled to write her a review of my thoughts…
and overall, I liked it.

This book is a vignette of stories…
but I found the themes and characters wound so closely together…
it feels like there are barely any spaces in between them.  
There is a certain redundancy to the stories…
similar themes…kind of like a country song on repeat.

 Most of the time as I was reading..
I wondered if it wasn't really her story…
Not Cindy's…the author's.
I'd like to ask her…is this really fiction? 

The beauty I found was in her writing…
how it created this feeling…
the truth of her words…like I'd been there before.  
We all have.  

We've all dated that guy before.  
The one where we change who we are. 
Do we really love all of the adventure?  
Or do we become what we think they want?  

Like, you've never once thought of jumping out of a plane but he suggests it…
 or buys the opportunity for you on your birthday
 and you feel like you should because he is so excited about it…
 and you want him to like you. 
(Btw, this really happened to me…
 and I told him to take someone else…
I don't jump from planes…I can barely get on one).  

Or, you become a class five kayaker 
because every weekend you are scouting for the best rapid?  
Yea, I get it.

I really do. 

One of those weaknesses a few of us share…
we want the bad boys.  

It's funny…as I kept reading…I kept thinking the same thing.  
How does she stick around for this beating?  
(I am sure I have friends who have thought this about me)

She should have known better…
and she probably did…
but she did it anyway…
and then, somehow within the midst of it all…
 she got confused and then she was surprised
 and then thankfully…
she finally left.  

We can only hope that we continue to learn from each relationship 
and not keep repeating the same mistake…
even if we are smart…
independent and not really quite sure what we are looking for.
We hope that our fear of testosterone dependency 
doesn't get the best of us so we keep returning to…that.

"…I should know better, but I love it when he calls me baby." 
That about sums it up sometimes…
what he says…how he says it…
and you don't care how it really is…
you just take it for what it isn't.

The book, as it turns out…if you haven't picked up on it…
it's about the wrong guy, over and over.  
UGH.  

These smart women choosing the wrong man…and they know it. 
 I would guess…they don't think they deserve any better.  

"He was smart and selfish and lied by omission.  
I was addicted to him like cough syrup, and I didn't respect his mind."

We all have dreams about what our perfect man would be like.  
Maybe you date him…or maybe you married him?  
Maybe you are still looking for him?

Perhaps…like me…it would be the Marlboro Man.  
That's who I envisioned the entire time I was reading this. 

The reality is…
or what you eventually find out in life, is that they are all real men…
the kind of men you meet everyday.  

One of the characters says, "Is sex ever love?"

What is love?

Love is a drug.  
A person can become an addiction regardless of the commitment.  

For me personally…
the book made me want to head back out west.
With her writing I could see the sunsets…
and feel the water from the rapids.

We all want to be loved by someone…
regardless of what we feel we deserve.

I think I've said it before…
I have a knack for choosing the wrong guy…
just like these women.
It's the reoccurring themes in these relationships that I have been ignoring…
just like these women.

I keep searching for answers where the questions are unseen.

Advice for future lovers:  
Don't ask me what I'm looking for…
I only know how to tell you what I am supposed to want.

And, if you listen to what I am supposed to want…
how quickly that relationship will become boring
 and uninteresting...
as dull and ugly to me as the color yellow.

Now, I'm off to find some of those red cowboy boots...