The People We Keep - Allison Larkin

Have I ever mentioned that I am in a book club?  I think it has been almost eight years or so.  I don't have many things in my life where I have made that length of commitment, so it feels like a big deal.

Anyway, I was surprised when I found out it was my turn to host.  That means I get to choose the book, and everyone comes to my place to discuss it.  I didn't have anything in mind, so I went to the NY Times Best Sellers list and if you must know...I simply chose this book by its cover.

It's beautiful.

I am a little worried my fellow book clubbers will tell me that they found it like torture to finish it and they only did for the purpose of book club.  We all have different tastes in literature so it feels a little daunting to find a book you think everyone will enjoy.

For starters, this book is so sad.  From the beginning to the end.  I am anxious to hear what my friend Michelle has to say as a mental health therapist.

Quick overview, April is an abandoned child who becomes independent and believes she is not worth caring about.  Throughout the book, she would leave every relationship/situation before she got left.  I can relate to this.

To be honest, I found the book draining and very depressing.  It needed a few more people who actually enjoyed living.  I mean...the cover is a sunbeam...it's happy and well...the book is not.

I do think the book meets typical book club criteria...it will generate some discussion.  Yes, we eat, drink, and catch up but we do talk about the books we read.  Almost everyone who hears I am in a book club asks me this, so I felt the need to clarify that we do in fact discuss the book.

The book depicts the profound power of "found family", the quest to find inner peace, and to follow your passion...the very thing that ignites you to live, love and breathe.

It is a story that asks: What is home? Who is really your family...the one you were born into, or the one you collect on your journey?

And then there is the bigger question:  Who do you keep...and who do you let go?

April's character makes me want to grieve all of the children like her who really don't have a chance unless someone makes a point to grab her, help her, and refuse to let her go.

Throughout the book, I was concerned, frustrated, and sad for her.  Mostly, I wanted her to grow and find happiness.  Larkin ultimately allows her to do both.

I've moved all over the country during my lifetime.  I was not abandoned or in the foster system however, I thought of that old adage...wherever you go there you are...

April ran from one person to another...one place to another.  She chased cities...her hopes and her dreams.  

From experience, I can say that it is in fact true...wherever you go...that is just exactly where you are.  You might just be next to an ocean instead of the mountains but who you are and what you are running from is still there.

Who do we look for...what do we look for...connection.  Finding people who make you feel like home.  

That to me is worth chasing.

"We have people we get to keep, who won't ever let us go.  And that's the most important part."

The Women by Kristen Hannah

 

The Women – Kristen Hannah

I read the Nightingale by Kristen Hannah, and it was intense. It was about surviving the Holocaust and it was my favorite book of last year.  I never wrote about it because…well…I wasn’t writing. 

I was talking to a co-worker about ‘core pursuits.’ He asked what mine were. I don’t know anymore, I said.  I guess reading…I used to write and take pictures.  What happened? I think I just got lazy.  So, I cancelled cable and have been reading more…still hope the writing will follow. 

In an attempt to not be lazy and since I LOVED the Nightingale, I grabbed her latest, The Women. 

"The women had a story to tell, even if the world wasn't quite yet ready to hear it, and their story began with three simple words. - We were there."

This novel is of the Vietnam War and its effects in America. A novel of horrors, of love, of courage and of betrayal, and the friendship of three Army nurses. 

I love Frankie’s character. Knowing that the world was changing, and she suddenly dares to imagine a different future for herself. She went in thinking that she needed to be on her father’s “Hero Wall”, but little did she know that she would become her own hero.

This book was brutal and yet sometimes beautiful. The way Frankie shows up and is in way over her head and yet gradually turns into a total BADASS over time. It is divided into two parts. Frankie's experience during the war and when she comes home.

I loved the first half of the book.  I couldn’t turn the pages fast enough.   Then it became a story of…now what? Just what does come after the adrenaline rush of serving in a war?  It is hard to read and understand the deafening silence about the role women played in the war and then how they were treated on the other side of it.

Growing up, as a family, we would watch this TV show called MASH.  It depicted Army doctors and nurses in Korea.  I thought of this show a few times while reading this novel. 

Overall, it felt like a love letter to women…to nurses.  I enjoyed it and won’t forget all of the things we still need to do for our veterans…and for the women who served. 

Sometimes brutal, sometimes beautiful.  They were there.

 

 

HORSE 

Geraldine Brooks

 My good friend Cindy chose this book for our book club.  

I didn’t ask her why she chose this book, but knowing her, I would guess it was because she loves animals, art & history. 

Horse is a true story of long buried facts and the ugly truths of horse racing, racism, art, greed, slavery, betrayal & ego.  The narrative goes back and forth in time from the 1800’s to present day.  I think I would have enjoyed the book so much more if the present-day portion of the book had been eliminated entirely. 

I opened the book and the very first paragraph is: the deceptively reductive forms of the artist’s work belie the density of meaning forged by a bifurcated existence.  These glyphs and ideograms signal to us from the crossroads freedom and slavery, White and Black, rural, and urban.

What?  I kept running into words I had never even seen before…for example: deshabillement, ferruled, addlepated, obduracy, subfusc…uh…standby while I go grab my dictionary.

The novel begins present day, Jess is an osteologist. I heard you just ask yourself…what does an osteologist do?  Without going all Geraldine Brooks on you, I’ll keep it simple.  It is someone who studies bones. 

Jess finds the bones of the greatest racehorse of all time.  Theo, a Nigerian American, is studying the art of horses as his PhD dissertation.  He digs a painting of a horse out of his neighbor’s trash which over the course of several chapters he finds out it is a very valuable piece of art.  As you may have guessed…this turns into a love connection and their story has a tragic ending.  In fact, this tragic ending of the story is the last 20 pages, and it ruins the book for me. 

Jarret, a slave on a southern plantation, finds his soul mate in Lexington, the GOAT of horse racing.  He has a short-lived racing career due to an unusual bone growth which causes him to become blind.  His career as a racehorse is over and then he is deemed the GOAT for being a stud sire.  To this day, people pay thousands of dollars for horses with Lexington’s bloodline.

I was fascinated by the thoroughbred, Lexington and Jarret who loved him.  That horse was his life. I don’t know anything about horse racing or raising a horse.  But after reading this…I feel like I have read the ugly underbelly of equine and greed in the industry.    

Overall, Brooks delves into the depiction of southern America slavery and the real heroes of the racing world back then…the black horseman. Racism played a central story in the lives of Lexington and Jarret; how could it not also play a role in the story of our modern protagonists? Combining the story of a legendary racehorse in the past with racial injustice that was rampant then, with the racial injustice that is still present now.  Jarret’s story colliding with Theo’s over generations, however, both as targets of racism in completely different times and circumstances.

Horse is so much more than a fascinating story about a racehorse.  It is a powerful story of history, the anatomy of Kentucky horse racing and breeding…the burial and rebirth of art and most heartbreaking…the reality of the victories and defeats of racism.  There is a lot of sadness in these pages…but there is also ambition, hope and the greatest of these…. love. 

Overall, I loved the book until I didn’t.

A piece of history unwrapped...

BEFORE WE WERE YOURS

By LISA WINGATE

I remember it was around 1:00 am when I turned the last page. 

 I can’t remember if I was sucked in initially but, regardless of how this one started…it became one of those books I couldn’t wait to finish…and yet...didn’t want it to end. 

The book is told in two narrative strands, past and present.  One of a woman looking into a mysterious past; and the other of a child looking ahead to an uncertain future.

It created a drama that was both bleak and optimistic.  It showed resilience and redemption.   

It was uniquely human.

Avery is a woman finding her roots, while Rill is a girl afraid of losing hers.  Two generations apart…forever changed by a heartbreaking injustice…a real-life scandal.

Georgia Tann and her Memphis Tennessee Children’s Home Society orphanage cast aside children for profit…

pure f*ck*ng evil.  

I can’t help question how a place like this could actually exist.  How could she do this?  How did she sleep at night?   

But she did…for years. 

All the while…robbing children of their pasts and changing their futures.

Memphis, Tennessee….1939 on the Mississippi River shanty, the Arcadia.  Five siblings live…to me…what seems like a magical life aboard a river shanty boat.  Their days are filled with laughter…fishing…telling stories…running free through the wild.

The story was so rich with details I could smell the river, hear the laughter…and once that was taken away…I could hear the creaking of the floor boards in the orphanage and feel the pain of loss. 

The power of money and politics.  It still exists today. 

As the book went on and the stories unfolded…I thought about all of the lies…the secrets.  Does anyone really know their own parents?  Do we really know our friends?  What questions do you ask?  What secrets does the person beside you in the elevator have…the person in line with you at the grocery store?

It awakens your senses…your curiosity and your wonder…but do you dare? I mean…do we really even want to know?  Should some truths be left undiscovered?  Should some secrets stay hidden inside Pandora’s box?

Stolen children subjected to horrors, a father with cancer, a grandmother with Alzheimer’s, an elderly woman whose sister dies and remains living with the body until discovered...

It’s a dark story to read at times…but in the very end…they find a little light.

In my opinion, it is definitely worth your time if you appreciate learning some history through engaging fiction. 

Peter Pan said, ‘All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust.”

IF ONLY…

yet, certainly not in this case. 

 

Just live. Just live?

 

Me Before you

Novel by Jojo Moyes

I can remember closing the book and laying it on my chest.  Then sitting up wishing I had someone to talk to about it. 

 It is one of those books that gives you an emotional hangover. 

I asked everyone…have you read Me before You?  No one had, at the time.  Until last night. 

Amanda texted Vanessa and I and said, Melib, I was looking on Off the Cuff…where is your review on the book? 

She had just finished it.  I never wrote one. 

 I told her I would. 

My copy is stained with tears.  It’s no secret I’m emotional.  I had used tissue peppered all over the floor. 

Oh my god, this book is good. 

 A total page-turner that kept me up way past my bedtime. 

A year later…I still think about this book.

It is about the issues of euthanasia, which, in my opinion, is brilliantly written like a romance novel….but it’s not a romance novel and it’s not full of politics surrounding the choice.  I liked her approach.  I loved how it was thoroughly engaging and thought provoking. 

How could you read this and not ask yourself what you might do in a similar circumstance?

If you haven’t read it, in a nutshell, this guy had it all…and one day it was all taken away.  He was now a quadriplegic. Lou is an ordinary girl, leading an ordinary life and it seemed to suit her just fine. 

Then they meet. 

I will say Lou’s lack of dreams…of wonder and possibility bothered me, so I was happy she met him.  She couldn’t have predicted to find her place in the world and for someone else to see and recognize her potential…

we would all be so lucky. 

It was kind of like two lost souls with nothing to fight for had crossed paths.  Two blind people found their light…for a while…and for a while…it seemed like enough.

“The thing about being catapulted into a whole new life…or at least, shoved up so hard against someone else’s life that you might as well have your face pressed against the window…is that it forces you to rethink your idea of who you are.  Or how you might seem to other people.” 

I think we all innately want to fix things…and it’s easy to hold on to imaginary hope when you’re not the person who is trapped.

It did seem ironic to me that a man who couldn’t move was the one that woke her up from a life she had settled for. 

But, you can read the book to fill in the story line.  It leads you to the end and HIS choice. 

HIS. 

Don’t forget that when you close the book that it was HIS choice. 

Not yours. 

That’s what I loved about this book.  It makes you think.  It made me think about my choices in life, my fears, people who have affected my daily life…and if love is really enough…if you have nothing left. 

In my opinion, NO. It honestly wouldn’t be for me.  I would have done what Will did. 

 Vanessa and I just had this conversation.  I don’t have a medical directive put in place.  I have a verbal one though, with her.  I said, Vee.  Don’t…whatever you do, let your emotions get in the way of pulling my plug if my quality of life is vegetative…or if I can’t live independently.  I don’t want that life for myself.  It’s MY choice.  She agreed. 

Sometimes, you just have to accept things won’t get better.  That sometimes, even if they are family, you have to let some people go.   Even if it’s hard.  Life can be hard.  And cruel.  It can also be amazing.  Fulfilling and full of blessings. 

I honestly don’t think the book was so much about convincing Will to live, but for Lou to understand that he wouldn’t. 

He reminded us to stand on your own two feet.  Explore your potential.  Broaden your horizons.  I loved how he challenged himself, read, traveled, studied languages…every day, he lived. In whatever way that meant to him. 

Get out there Lou. 

Take the world by storm. 

 Just like we all should. 

 Oh yea...read the book.

 

All The Light We Cannot See in review

What an EPIC read by Anthony Doerr

ALL THE LIGHT WE CANNOT SEE

A New York Times Bestseller…

A Pulitzer Prize winner!

I loved it.

If you haven't read this magical novel…

but you plan to…

maybe you shouldn't read this.

I won't be cautious in my writing 

or alert you to any spoilers.

Take a few days…

go read it…

and come back to this.

A quick synopsis of the book…

Doerr takes a moment in history, a rare gem, 

two people with huge obstacles and knowledge of 

communication…

 to weave a story that is 

ridiculously captivating, 

thought provoking and 

deeply moving.

In a little more detail…

A curious French girl goes blind... 

a German orphan boy 

with an amazing talent for working and building radios…

find themselves moving through life

and eventually…

their stories weave together.

The book was presented like short chapters

of a journal entry. 

It didn't captivate me until I got to

around page 80.

By the way, this is another doozie…530 pages.

Vanessa and Amanda had both read it and 

encouraged me to keep turning the pages.

I'm so glad I did.

I kept thinking about the title.

What did it mean?  

I thought…could he be referencing the light 

they found in the darkness of wartime?

As you read the dual story,

you wonder how soon it is before the two 

are going to meet.

Let me tell you...

You read almost the entire book 

before they actually

come face to face.

I was hoping for a romance and a fairy tale ending…

because it seemed like that is where it would go.

However, true love would be too predictable as an ending. 

We are often reminded that life doesn't always

turn out as planned.

I kept waiting for their lives to intersect…

and it was for less than 24 hours.

Why?

Why did she protect the diamond to then toss it away?

Why is there no resolution about her father?

Why was Frederick in the wrong place in life at the wrong time? 

The unknown questions were frustrating but created 

a realistic and real world.

No fairy tale here.

When do we ever get things wrapped up all pretty

and from what I have read about war…

you end up with a lot of things we may

never know.

You would think we would be hardened to 

the descriptions of war…

the chaos, the bloodshed, 

depravity…

the evil.

War…

so destructive.  

Yet these two…it never

annihilated their hope…

or mine for them.

This young man trapped in darkness…

listens to a girl's voice over the radio…

he hoped…she hoped.

I paused sometimes in my reading…

thinking about some of my why's.

I thought about the metaphors and his lyrical writing.

I thought about when Vanessa and I were little girls.

One day our brother wanted to show us a prism he had.

I can distinctly remember being in the back yard and he said 

watch this.

We watched him take this gem like stone and tilt it and 

it reflected light.

How was it possible this prism separated white light

into a spectrum of colors?

It was so beautiful…we wanted to hold it…

we wanted one of our own.

Our own Sea of Flames.

Light we cannot see.

It brought the book together for me in a way.

All the light we cannot see…could this be my interpretation.

His radio waves…unseen…but heard.

The stone…unseen…but wanted.

The journey.

The brain has power to create light in darkness…

he was in the darkness of the coal mine listening to her voice…

her blindness never shown as something to pity. 

The light in this book shoots from 

many different directions and every time I saw it…

it seemed like pure magic.

Gems are made valuable and in this case, powerful by

those who seek them but remain nothing

more than stones found in a creek to others.

What did he do with the stone?

Why did Doerr have them meet for literally an instant…

and then he died…

 his death came out of nowhere for me.

Unexpected.

I loved his bravest moment…

when he confronts Von Rumpel.

It states, "All your life you wait, 

and then it finally comes, and are you ready?"

Are you ready to open your eyes and see what you can with them?

Do you want to be alive before you die?

Do you want to LIVE before you die?

Perhaps, instead of pursuing diamonds,

money, treasures…

instead of going to war and destroying lives…

instead of listening to nationalized propaganda…

instead of the mundane…mindless…meaningless

things we choose to pursue…

Why don't we pursue "all that we cannot see"…

Why don't we listen to and become more aware?

The plight of everyman is to live the life presented...

even under the most discouraging circumstances. 

These two lives are

beautifully embodied in this epic tale.

They lived.  

They plodded.

They held out hope.

They were the light.

  

Cowboys Are My Weakness...in review

My friend Cindy texted me before Christmas…

have you read Cowboys Are My Weakness?  

I hadn't.  

Next thing I knew…I had a copy of the book.  

She is so cool like that.

I'll be honest…

cowboys are a weakness…

have you ever seen or been around a real cowboy?

Whoa.

In truth, men are a weakness…

don't act like you don't feel the same way.  

Marlboro Man come to mind?  

He did for me.

 I was looking forward to reading it.  

I wrote this today because I finished the book this morning and 

it just so happened Cindy texted me asking how I was enjoying it.

I felt compelled to write her a review of my thoughts…

and overall, I liked it.

This book is a vignette of stories…

but I found the themes and characters wound so closely together…

it feels like there are barely any spaces in between them.  

There is a certain redundancy to the stories…

similar themes…kind of like a country song on repeat.

 Most of the time as I was reading..

I wondered if it wasn't really her story…

Not Cindy's…the author's.

I'd like to ask her…is this really fiction? 

The beauty I found was in her writing…

how it created this feeling…

the truth of her words…like I'd been there before.  

We all have.  

We've all dated that guy before.  

The one where we change who we are. 

Do we really love all of the adventure?  

Or do we become what we think they want?  

Like, you've never once thought of jumping out of a plane but he suggests it…

 or buys the opportunity for you on your birthday

 and you feel like you should because he is so excited about it…

 and you want him to like you. 

(Btw, this really happened to me…

 and I told him to take someone else…

I don't jump from planes…I can barely get on one).  

Or, you become a class five kayaker 

because every weekend you are scouting for the best rapid?  

Yea, I get it.

I really do. 

One of those weaknesses a few of us share…

we want the bad boys.  

It's funny…as I kept reading…I kept thinking the same thing.  

How does she stick around for this beating?  

(I am sure I have friends who have thought this about me)

She should have known better…

and she probably did…

but she did it anyway…

and then, somehow within the midst of it all…

 she got confused and then she was surprised

 and then thankfully…

she finally left.  

We can only hope that we continue to learn from each relationship 

and not keep repeating the same mistake…

even if we are smart…

independent and not really quite sure what we are looking for.

We hope that our fear of testosterone dependency 

doesn't get the best of us so we keep returning to…that.

"…I should know better, but I love it when he calls me baby." 

That about sums it up sometimes…

what he says…how he says it…

and you don't care how it really is…

you just take it for what it isn't.

The book, as it turns out…if you haven't picked up on it…

it's about the wrong guy, over and over.  

UGH.  

These smart women choosing the wrong man…and they know it. 

 I would guess…they don't think they deserve any better.  

"He was smart and selfish and lied by omission.  

I was addicted to him like cough syrup, and I didn't respect his mind."

We all have dreams about what our perfect man would be like.  

Maybe you date him…or maybe you married him?  

Maybe you are still looking for him?

Perhaps…like me…it would be the Marlboro Man.  

That's who I envisioned the entire time I was reading this. 

The reality is…

or what you eventually find out in life, is that they are all real men…

the kind of men you meet everyday.  

One of the characters says, "Is sex ever love?"

What is love?

Love is a drug.  

A person can become an addiction regardless of the commitment.  

For me personally…

the book made me want to head back out west.

With her writing I could see the sunsets…

and feel the water from the rapids.

We all want to be loved by someone…

regardless of what we feel we deserve.

I think I've said it before…

I have a knack for choosing the wrong guy…

just like these women.

It's the reoccurring themes in these relationships that I have been ignoring…

just like these women.

I keep searching for answers where the questions are unseen.

Advice for future lovers:  

Don't ask me what I'm looking for…

I only know how to tell you what I am supposed to want.

And, if you listen to what I am supposed to want…

how quickly that relationship will become boring

 and uninteresting...

as dull and ugly to me as the color yellow.

Now, I'm off to find some of those red cowboy boots...