Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Never Look Back

This was one of the last pictures I took in Chicago.  
I was walking in on my last day of work.  
A blood red sky with a blazing yellow highlight.  
Isn't it?  

My last day. 
My last picture.  
Not so much. 

I remember telling a friend I was moving to Michigan.  
You're leaving Chicago?  
You seem like such a city girl.
Do I?  
In all honesty, I didn't embrace the city like I had embraced new places in the past.  
I really can't pinpoint why.   
(see...I keep asking myself questions)
But, it's okay if I can't pinpoint the answer.  
Somethings, take longer to figure out.

The new conversations consist of; don't you miss it?  
I mean, of course I do.  
But not in the way that I want to go back.  
Go back to LIVE that is. 

Never look back.
It sounds so…definitive…doesn't it?  

When you move as much as I have and you initially make the change…
it's easy to misinterpret feelings.  Your feelings of unsettledness.  
The emotional ups and downs…how madly they fluctuate. 
 Funny, how somedays I feel so exhausted from…??I don't know what...the emotion?  
Or, is it from the chaos my mind is in trying to sort out the routine? 
Trying to create the new rhythm my life will take.  

I mean one day, I could run all over Michigan exploring and discovering my new turf and the next day I can't force myself to walk out the front door.  
Or is it?  
I have come to find out…this is change.  
It's okay.  We all operate differently.  
And, well, it has to be okay.  I'm embracing it.  
Letting myself sort it out…when I can.  
Run with the energy and succumb to the withdrawal.  

I should clarify, I don't mean NEVER look back.  
Just don't look back in regret.  
Don't look back thinking…what have I done?  
Is this a mistake?  
Don't misinterpret the chaos that comes with change as a mistake.  
But rather, the exciting opportunity to better yourself.  
Challenge yourself.  
Surprise yourself.  

It is also wonderful when that unsuspecting shift takes place…like the wind blew in some sort of goodness and you feel like you didn't think about it once…
you know, you didn't think about the WHY…
you just got up, brushed your teeth and went on your way.  
Like it was exactly where you belonged.  

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